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How to handle anxiety and big emotions related to changes that life brings unexpectedly Several years ago I was working with a young teenager who was struggling with anxiety. She had experienced several big changes and was finding it hard to develop ways to manage her new normal. I clearly remember one of our discussions […]
According to the Association of Anxiety and Depression roughly 40 million adults in America deal with anxiety. In fact it is the MOST common mental health diagnosis in America. I am not surprised by these numbers, because the majority of people I work with have experienced anxiety. The AAD also reports that only 36% of people seek treatment. What!!! How can that be? Well simply put it’s the shame and stigma about anxiety that prevents us from seeking help.
Much like my young client, many adults battle with the constant sense of anxiety because life is always changing. Many of the people I work with are dismissive about how they ended up anxious, often telling me “it came out of no where!” Heck no it did not! Anxiety is there, hiding in the background as we navigate through life. Can you remember a time you felt nervous about a new job? Or excited to go on a first date? Raise your hand if you were anxious the first time you met your future in laws?! Anxiety is there, playing it’s part in your life; but how does anxiety become unhealthy? Or so disruptive?
Well, anxiety takes root in our fears about the worst possible outcomes. We quickly become worried about our future. Our sense of control takes a hold and BAM anxiety has its prefect storm. Anxiety can drive any sane, rationale person into a full blown panic attack. When we become hypersensitive to these constant changes we become anxious. The constant changes, both good and bad create for most people a sense of unease. Change for most people equals no control.
Anxious people crave control. I often recommend structure and routine for my anxious clients. I encourage them to create a sense of control where they can, so they feel better quipped to handle that which they cannot control. There is very little in life we can control, this is usually where the battle lies when navigating anxiety. When we are feeling anxious we often try to control the things we cannot change. The serenity prayer comes to mind here; accepting the things we can change and things we cannot while knowing the difference.
Anxiety is no match for insight and self awareness. When we become in touch with ourselves, accepting that we can only control so much we lower the expectations we put on ourselves. Understanding that anxiety only has the control you allow it to have. Life will always change, that’s the beauty of it. Many years ago a wiser person told me “the bad news is nothing ever stays the same, but the good news is nothing ever stays the same.” This storm will pass, the anxiety can diminish and you can learn how to embrace life’s changes.
If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety, please reach out to one of our professionals at Revive Family Counseling at 239 329 9264 and start feeling better today!
By Jay Reed, LCSW Patience…it’s easy, right? I’ve heard over the years that “patience is a virtue and to have it is a gift”. Well it’s not a gift I have, but it’s something I try to practice. Patience is a simple concept; take your time, give others time and be tolerant of others. I’ve […]
I’ve heard over the years that “patience is a virtue and to have it is a gift”. Well it’s not a gift I have, but it’s something I try to practice. Patience is a simple concept; take your time, give others time and be tolerant of others. I’ve found it’s just not as easy as all that. I am not a naturally patient person; anyone who knows me well enough can tell you that my facial expressions and sarcasm will let you know when I’ve met my very small threshold for patience. It is however, something I encourage my clients to practice. I tell them often to be patient with themselves, to live with grace not prefection, and to allow others the room to make mistakes without too harsh of consequences.
I had a client ask me once a few years back why I constantly “preached” patience to him as he worked to adjust to a major life change. My answer was simple; we are too hard on ourselves. We set our expectations too high and then we are quick to “should” all over ourselves when we didn’t achieve an unattainable goal. Come on…did you really think losing 20lbs in the three weeks before your brother’s wedding was realistic? Was your maternity leave to do list really going to get completed? Were you really going to “change” your toxic Mother, boyfriend or childhood best friend?
When we don’t accomplish the unrealistic, unattainable goals we begin the process of “shoulding on ourselves”. That is not a typo…I mean shoulding. I have heard too many times people beating themselves up with comments much like these; “I shouldn’t have done that”,or “I should have known better!” I have thought every time I’ve heard this how can anyone know everything? How can we be responsible for something not working out as planned? Especially when we set the bar so very high.
Our culture and society promotes “being prefect” or “hustling everyday”. Well what if I can’t hustle everyday or being prefect is just too far from our grasp! (No one is prefect, by the way! If they tell you they are…run away!) Does all of this mean we don’t strive to better ourselves? That we can’t set realistic goals? Of course not; I spend most my days helping people set attainable goals, ones they can and will achieve.
The key to success is low expectations. Are your expectations low? Go lower! Lower…lower…lower, there you go! My guess is that each of you expect too much from yourself and from others. You expect that every step should go as planned…if you work hard enough, pray enough or simple just do the right things it will all work out. I’m sorry, it won’t. Sometimes starting small and slow is the the answer. Want to lose 20lbs? Try by starting to lose 5lbs. Want to finish your degree? Start with one class. Need to clean out your closet? Start one inch at a time. Process is progress. Patience will take you far. Build up from your starting point, you can and will go far. These small steps from a realistic starting point will move you along in the right direction. Be patient with yourself as you grow and heal. Give yourself the same grace you probably already give others. Allow yourself the time to work it all out. Be patient and trust the process.
